Subtle Strategies for Modeling Kindness to Toddlers
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If you’ve ever caught yourself saying “Be nice!” on repeat for the tenth time before 9 a.m., you’re not alone. Teaching kindness to toddlers is a long game. But there are creative ways to model and encourage compassion that go far beyond reciting “please” and “thank you” and hoping they pick up on it.
Kindness isn’t just a rule, it’s a habit. And it’s one toddlers can absorb through play, observation, and some seriously imaginative role modeling.
As the Kindness Project reminds us, “A good person is something one can always become… Learning to be caring and to lead an ethical life is like learning to play an instrument or hone a craft.” With a little creativity (and maybe a few emotionally intelligent stuffed animals), you can start building those kindness muscles early.
1. Play Pretend . . . With a Purpose
Pretend play isn’t just cute, it’s a golden opportunity. Use stuffies, figurines, or dolls to act out simple kindness scenarios: one animal shares a toy, another apologizes after bumping someone, or two bunnies take turns riding a pretend scooter.
And don't stop there. Praise the stuffies. Lavishly. “Oh my goodness, that was so thoughtful of Bear to wait his turn. He must’ve really wanted a ride, but he chose to be kind!” Verbalize the why behind the kind action and let your toddler overhear your admiration. You’re not correcting them, you’re cheering on the cast of characters they already adore.
2. Narrate Your Own Kindness
Toddlers are always watching (even when we wish they weren’t). Make it a habit to narrate the moments when you’re showing kindness yourself. Especially the ones they might not notice on their own.
Examples:
- “I’m holding the door open for this person because it’s helpful.”
- “I’m saving the last nectarine for Daddy because I know he loves them so much. I'm trying to be thoughtful.”
- “I saw that our neighbor dropped her mail, so I picked it up for her.”
No grand speeches necessary. Just make your actions a little louder with simple narration. You're planting the seed.
3. Praise Kindness Like It’s a Party Trick
Your toddler brings their sibling a toy? Heaps of praise. They pat your back when you’re “fake crying” for fun? Cue the confetti. But don’t just say, “Good job!” Be specific.
Try:
- “That was so kind of you to notice your sister needed help.”
- “You shared your crackers with Bear? Wow, what a thoughtful choice!”
- “You stopped to ask if Daddy was okay. That shows you care about other people’s feelings!”
Kids start to learn that kindness isn’t just a thing you do. It’s a thing worth celebrating.
4. Build a ‘Kindness Vocabulary’
Introduce your toddler to words that describe kindness. Gentle. Helpful. Thoughtful. Caring. Words they can understand and grow into. You don’t need a flashcard set, just use them often enough that they start to stick.
When you see kind behavior, help them name it. “That was really gentle.” “I love how helpful you were just now.” “You were very caring when your friend fell down.”
According to the Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning, “One way to help children learn to label their emotions is to have healthy emotional expression modeled for them by the adults in their lives.” The more they hear those words used clearly and kindly, the more likely they are to use them on their own.
This builds a mental library of what kindness looks and feels like, and eventually helps them talk about it themselves.
5. Keep a Visible Kindness Reminder
If you’re using a kindness chart (👋 hello, upcoming Letter & Line product!), keep it somewhere your child can see and access easily. Use it to highlight the small stuff: “You used polite words at breakfast!” “You were patient during clean-up!” Visual tools reinforce the idea that kindness is part of daily life, not just a transactional please and thank you.
Charts not your thing? Give them a sticker badge right on their shirt when they do something outstanding. Toddlers love an all-day visual reminder of what they've done right, and this tactic focuses on praise, rather than scolding.
Conclusion
Kindness isn’t a one-and-done skill. It’s a muscle that needs consistent, low-pressure workouts. With a little creativity (and maybe a few very emotionally intelligent stuffed animals), you can model empathy in a way your toddler actually notices.
Keep celebrating the small wins. They add up. Your toddler’s inner kind kid is already in there, just waiting for the spotlight.